While I Find ISIS Despicable In Every Other Way

While I Find ISIS Despicable In Every Other Way, I Strongly Identify With Its Love Of Pickup Trucks

In an already war-torn, destabilized region with hundreds of thousands of refugees, ISIS has used lawlessness and violence to further its sickening extremist aims. It is a despicable organization that needs to be dealt with using unequivocal force, although, if I’m being honest, I strongly identify with its evident love of pickup trucks.

Don’t get me wrong. I am deeply appalled by ISIS’ horrific spree of terror and bloodshed in the Middle East and its complete disregard for human life, but its affinity for pickup trucks is apparent, and that’s something I’d love to pick its members’ brains about. Sure, I’d condemn all supporters of ISIS if given the chance, but I’d also have questions for them, like, “Do you have to lower your suspension to make sure you don’t spin out?”

ISIS

In a different life, these Islamic jihadist guys wouldn’t be insane, homicidal terrorists, but would just be peaceful truck-lovers like me, spending most of their days in garages tinkering with their timing belts or towel-drying their carburetors. Alas, it cannot be, and I hate these monsters with whom I probably have quite a bit of common ground, truck-wise. I just bought a 2014 Dodge Durango, and I love it.
ISIS has recruited troubled young men from all over the world, and we need to be taking steps to prevent this migration. These men need to know that there is no glory in joining up with brutal ISIS killers. And if they are joining just to floor a Nissan Frontier across a desert ridge, we need to inform them that this can be accomplished in many different locations other than the violence-ravaged Middle East.

It’s hard to imagine how truly terrifying it would be to be taken hostage by ISIS. But, if that unthinkable thing were to happen to me, I’m fairly certain I could at least take a look under the hoods of its fleet of pickup trucks and offer some suggestions that have helped me keep my own trucks running clean. I imagine these guys take pretty good care of their trucks, considering the harsh climate, but I’m sure I can still offer a few nuggets given my long history with trucks.

So, my message to ISIS is this: Stop your deplorable, unconscionable acts of hate and cruelty so that we can talk about trucks. Please. I really want to talk about trucks with someone.

via Kurt Gelt